Today in history 

Today my whole soul hurts, from fear, from, anger, from well just a lot of things. Today is one of those days I will never forget I have list of these days in memory 9/11, the day my grandmother dies, 15 days later when my mom passed, most recently the days after the pulse shootings all these events might not have changed the whole world but they changed my whole world. You go from wanting to cry, to scream, to punch someone all of which really have a place in the process. The common thread in all of these things in a process of grief some grieving for a person so for loss of feeling safe in your own home or country. Grief is a messy messy thing and sometimes is quick other times I dont know that its every totally over. It is always hard in life when we see a different side of people we thought we knew. The people of America have spoken but have spoken with a language of hate and racism I truly believed we had grown past.  For me today is the starting point for a new battle, one where really I am not worried about myself but about other people life has given me a strong backbone that can carry a lot. There are many that do not birth freedoms I have, I was born here there is not anything they can do to get rid of me. For many immigrants this is not the reality, for many Muslims or Mexican people families will be separated and destroyed.  My soul hurts for the young gay men and women out there quietly sitting back listening to family, friends, and churches degraded who they are at a soul level.

I have spent many years trying to figure out who my God is and how I fit in plan that many would have me believe that I dont fit in. What I have finally come down to is I know my God and my God knows me and that’s all that matters other peoples options are not important in that process. Every day at work I look at a painting I created in reaction to my feelings about the pulse shooting its a winter scene with bare trees and snow covered ground that is covered by a glittery rainbow heart with pulse line, it reminds me everyday that no matter how dark and desperate things seem our pulse and heart keep going. Today my family has grown now we have to come together as LGBTQ, Muslims, Immigrants, Blacks, Handicapped, Women anyone who feel oppressed and scared for the freedoms we are promised in this country. 

Hate Might have won a small battle today, But I believe  within my whole heart and soul that love will win in the end.